Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
2:25 pm – Christmas Rant
Okay, so I’m sitting here on AIM chatting with a friend of mine about a week before Christmas, and everything was trundling along fine and dandy until we actually started chatting about Christmas. And honestly, I don’t know why this has given me the anxiety that it has, but it has – even though it shouldn’t have. Maybe because I’ve had too many things going on in my life all at once again. Or something.
But anyway.
My friend was running around in circles getting presents together, making baked goods, trying to get her house, her things and her life in some kind of sensible order. They were packing up and going to see family over the weekend or something. She started going on and on about how “deprived” I was because I wasn’t baking tons of cookies nor going to visit family over the holiday.
I don’t know. Maybe she was joking, but I sure didn’t take it that way. Came across more like cutting down than anything. I didn’t say anything to her, just let her go on until she ran out of steam – or maybe it was she had to get offline or something. But regardless, it all ended peacefully enough.
But what is it with people?
Sure, Christmas and Thanksgiving are “family holidays”; I get that. What I don’t get are the people who don’t or can’t understand is that my blood family haven’t gotten together for “family holidays” since some time in the early 1980’s. Preston and I don’t get together with his family for holidays because of how everyone works – and we don’t get together with Kathy and Ralph because of other scheduling conflicts.
Preston usually works Thanksgiving and Christmas; he didn’t work Christmas this year, but was on call; and he actually got called-in early Christmas morning, so he’ll get holiday pay for that. His parents both have to work to keep their heads above water. The four of us get together when we can, as best we can.
Kathy and Ralph have two boys and six grandchildren to worry with on holidays, and they all get together according to the schedule that best suites them – which usually means the night before the actual holiday. Given the hours Preston works, that knocks us right out.
The rest of my family? Well, aside from Sandhi in North Carolina and her girls, they’ve not spoken to me in almost twelve years. So why bother?
If your family hasn’t gotten together in twenty years and nobody is speaking to anybody else, then why bother? Why stress yourself out over it? I’ve not in many, many years. And I don’t intend to start today just because one of my friends thinks that our “apartness” is wrong.
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Family, like all human relations, is a mixed bag. I'm getting tired of the one-size-fits-all mentality of American culture. You're right to feel the way you do–we humans aren't as homogenized (if I'm using the word properly) as many would like to believe. Concepts of family and marriage aren't changing, we're just becoming more aware of their flaws since we're less concerned with genetic survival. I think there are a lot of cultural touchstones that have become defunct but most of us haven't noticed yet–family is one of them. There's a great anime series that deals with family in an interesting way–it's called "Blood+" and surrounds the quest of a teenage girl who discovers she's an immortal vampire who must learn about her past so she can blah-blah-blah. The important thing isn't the premise–it's the message of family the show contains. See, she's an immortal vampire and thus has no real family–instead, she is cared for by a loving adoptive father and two brothers (both adopted). But the issue of family becomes integral to the story–it's her adopted family that sacrifices for her and allows her to survive. Yep, a show called "Blood+" delivers the message that blood doesn't matter. But love and caring does. So, I say define family how ever you want. I try to care for the people that actively care the most for me.
I’m getting tired of the one-size-fits-all mentality of American culture. You’re right to feel the way you do
Thank you. Am glad someone feels the same way I do! And yes, you used homogenized properly. I fight homogenization tooth and nail. It's ridiculous.
I try to care for the people that actively care the most for me.
Me too. That's as it should be, imho.
Thanks for dropping by.
One of these days I'll get this theme customized. lol
When I was a young child, mom dragged me to my granny's house five minutes after the presents were unwrapped and kept me there all day. As I aged, I came to resent this. My best friend's family spent the day at home together and that just seemed like it would be wonderful.
One christmas when I was no longer living with mom, it snowed quite a bit and I decided to spend the day at home. It was the absolute best christmas I'd ever had.
I resumed going to granny's and hating it. In the last few years, I've finally learned to stand up to my mom about these things. I'll go to Gran's for Thanksgiving day, but Christmas is mine to do with as I please. I like to do something small with Dad on that day. It's much more laid back and that's how I like things.
And once I have kids? I've declared that my mom can come see us, but I won't abide relatives who annoy me and I'm not dragging my kids all over the state just to please the relatives.
Go you! As it should be! When David and I were together, we had to go to his mom's house for every holiday – my family didn't matter a bit. It was the absolute pits.